Anyone can pull off a happy wedding, but not everyone can carry on a happy marriage. Before you tell the news to your family and friends and start any wedding preparations, take some time to confirm that you are indeed secure enough to get married. Ask yourself the following questions to determine that you are truly ready for marriage.
1. What are your reasons for getting married?
This question will help you discover your view on marriage. Explore your reasons and see which weighs the most. You might, for example, want to get married just to experience your dream wedding, which really won’t justify or prepare you for a life of marriage. Any reason you have that only revolves around the day of your wedding is not enough for you to say that you are ready for marriage.
If your reasons are more about how you know each other and you find the sense of security in settling with your partner, then you can delve further into the option of getting married.
2. What are you willing to give up for marriage?
No matter the strength and depth of your sense of self, you will have to take compromises in your dreams and goals in life. Ask yourself if you’re ready for those and if you are willing to give up some important aspects of your life that you can only have as a single person. It is a fact that marriage may limit your career opportunities as you will have to be with your spouse, or else you might have to risk your relationship while you’re away for work.
You need not give up entirely your “me time” but it will diminish as you need to invest more for your partnership and especially for the family you both plan to build one. Marriage will require from you bigger emotional and financial investments.
3. Do you find an advantage in getting married?
As agreeing to marry someone is a very important decision, you have to weigh its benefits against what you will have to give to enter marriage. Relationship coach Amy Schoen says that wanting a spouse to support you through life’s ups and downs is a big motivation for marriage. Practical reasons like having a steady companion for meals and leisure time are also great reasons for getting married.
These are some of the things that marriage can offer you that are also popular reasons for getting married. But while you have the pros, there will also be the cons that you greatly need to consider. Ask yourself if the perks of marriage are worth what it will cost you.
4. Do you trust him? Can you be trusted?
As you probably already know, trust is a very important element in any relationship. Your answer to the above questions should be a big influence on your decision whether or not you should tie the proverbial knot. This requires a high degree of truth and honesty that is based on your experience together as a couple.
You need to be sure that what you have now is strong enough to endure the challenges of a married life. Trust bears security and stability in your relationship, which is why it is important for you to re-assess what you have went through in your relationship. How were you able to overcome the bumps on the road? Were you able to resolve all issues? Or are there still issues being avoided?
5. Do you admire and respect each other?
Along with trust, admiration and respect are also important in any relationship, and much more so in marriage. If you can sustain these then you both will be happy together and will be secured of your relationship without losing your sense of self. If you feel that you have to give up so much of yourself in the marriage, then you might only end up feeling miserable. Some couples don’t last because one party has to find his or herself again. The respect and admiration you already have for each other will give you the support you need to make yourselves better not just for each other but as separate individuals as well.
6. Do you feel secure of yourself with your partner?
If every time you’re with your partner you feel a need to change a part of yourself, then that is not the level of security that will let you have a happy marriage. Being very conscious of how you look and behave in his presence even after months or years of being together says that there is still a wall around you that he cannot break through.
Tell him about how you feel and how you want to be completely comfortable being yourself while with him, and see how you two can resolve this. Perhaps you just have your own personal reservations about yourself that he doesn’t intend to trigger.
7. Have you developed a system for resolving conflicts?
In case of arguments, do you make sure to reach a win/win resolution where not only one of you has to compromise? Any resolutions must be fair in order for both of you to come to terms with your issues and problems. Otherwise, only one may be satisfied with the outcome of an argument and that doesn’t really settle the conflict.
It is also important that no conflict is left unresolved. If you both keep evading issues in your relationship then these will pile up and, later on, can result to a much bigger conflict, which may be too difficult to resolve any more.
8. Are you able to agree on issues that are important to you?
Part of the progress of your relationship is how you both view politics, finances, religion, and other relevant social issues. See where you both stand on these. While it isn’t important that you always land on the same page, you have to see how you respect these differences in opinions and how you can set it aside to arrive at a sound decision wherein both of you are satisfied. These differences shouldn’t also trigger conflicts.
Even on deciding on simple things such as where to spend the holidays is important for you both to do peacefully and respectfully of each other. Arguing so much even on small matters is an indication that you will face big challenges as a couple in addressing issues in your marriage in the future.
9. Are you great friends with each other?
Being the best of friends gives you a solid foundation in your relationship. And just like the best of friends, you are trusting of each other and are capable of giving the comfort that each of you needs. You can also tell each other anything and everything to your heart’s content just like good friends do.
If you have that level of friendship with each other, then you are on a good standing on deciding to get married. Otherwise, you might want to deepen and strengthen your friendship first to give you a better assurance of having a strong marriage.
10. Can you have a peace of mind out of your decision?
All these questions that you need to ask yourself don’t only help you evaluate your relationship. More importantly, you are able to evaluate yourself based on your experiences and what you’ve learned from your relationship. At the end of all the questions and after all the answers you gave, ask yourself if you will be at peace with your decision.
Having the peace of mind on deciding to get married or realizing that you are not there yet will bring you the strength and happiness to move forward to the next phase in your life whether it’s in marriage, working out your relationship, or being by yourself.
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