By Jacqueline Liu
So you’re a young, happily-married woman and I’m sure you have a lot of blissful years ahead of you. But, and please allow me to be blunt here, you will probably – sooner or later – face the problem of infidelity within your marriage.
You might not think it could happen to you – most people don’t – and that’s actually somewhat part of the problem, as one of my friend “Jessica” realized after she nearly ended her marriage for a chance to be with another man. The thing is Jessica, didn’t see it coming: she didn’t think she could have any feelings for another man until she already had.
That’s the first point that I want to stress – that it could happen to you too, and one of the best way you can avoid it is to recognize the signs that you are on your way to having an affair before it actually happens.
So how does it happen? Well, let’s take the case of Jessica. She has been married for five years (which has produced an adorable little girl), but while she loves her family, she says that she felt there was something lacking. Unfortunately, she found what that was in the company of another man, one of her co-workers.
As is commonly the case in such situations, she didn’t fall for her co-worker right away or wanted to engage in any physical relationship. They had simply started working more closely together, and then gradually she was spending more time with him – even outside of work – until, finally, she realized that she has developed real affections for the man.
Now, if you want to avoid this kind of situation, does it mean that you should stop seeing all your male friends? Goodness, no! You see, Jessica’s problem wasn’t that she was working along men (that might have helped, but it was not the determining factor). No, her problem was that she was not completely happy with her family life.
Unlike men, women who engage in extra-marital affairs (at least those in Singapore) do so because they’re not getting all that they need from their life at home. That was true with my friend: even though her husband was a good provider, he became rather distant with her. He loves her, but he seemed always busy and he had stopped being affectionate to her as he once was during their days of courtship. And so when someone else showed her the kind of attention she was missing, she rejoiced in it and that almost lead her to having an affair.
The funny thing is that all this could have been avoided through a simple a method – communication. That is my advice: if you should ever feel that you need something more from your husband, say so. Make him understand that, as women, we need to be constantly reassured of our husband’s love. (To be fair, you should also understand that, as men, our husbands need to work hard as here in Singapore they are judged foremost by their profession rather than their family.)
Communication is key to a lasting and faithful marriage. You have your needs, and your husband does too – if you would only let each other know about that, and help each other to get that, then you will not only avoid infidelity, you will have greatly improved your marriage.
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