Having second thoughts? You, my friend, are suffering from “pre-wedding” jitters. You try to smile, laugh and act like everything is okay, even your family and friends are telling you that every couple goes through this, but you shouldn’t dismiss these “alarm bells”! Tackle your anxiety with these 3 steps.
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Step 1: Reflect
Our first reaction to such uncomfortable feelings is to push them away. Constantly ignoring these jitters is not advisable, because you are denying yourself the opportunity to tackle problems that may derail your upcoming marriage. Take about 5-10 minutes to read through these 5 common causes of pre-wedding jitters and figure out what is really bothering you.
Being surrounded by a huge group – even though they are your immediate family, relatives, friends and colleagues – can be extremely stressful. Even the most gregarious social butterfly will baulk at the thought of having so many people stare at them. This sort of jitters can sidestepped easily by planning a more intimate solemnization ceremony followed by a grander reception. Most of the time the reception only involves mingling with your guests, so there would lesser chances of you getting cold feet. Of course, before you plan something like this, you may want to check with your parents and in-laws first. If you can’t get away with a smaller ceremony, try to arrange at least one rehearsal! Being familiar with the venue helps you feel mentally prepared on the actual day.
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Marriage is a big step. Living with someone means learning to accommodate their habits and lifestyles. For some, they need time to get use to the whole ‘give-and-take’ situation, but for others, they feel pressured to make their relationship even more successful than their parents’. Struggling to make a clean break is stressful, because it means having to relearn a lot of things you assimilated while growing up. This includes strategies for handling with martial conflict, discussing long-term plans as a couple and going through parenthood. In this scenario, your worries are not going to be solved overnight, so your best bet is to acknowledge them. Then rather than keeping these anxieties to yourself, you may want to talk to your soon-to-be spouse and get professional help (if needed).
Things are so much easier if it was just you and your spouse starting a new life together. Unfortunately, even after you have had your big day, you can’t make a clean break. Problems that plague either his side or your side will still be there, although it can be set aside for a short period, so it is natural that you are worried how the ongoing conflict will affect your blossoming relationship. Bottling this up will not make things okay. Eventually, you and your partner will need work together to prevent yourselves from being ensnared by your complicated family dynamics.
Major Changes in Your Relationship
You and your spouse-to-be may be all lovey-dovey in front of everyone, but sometimes it may be façade. You know deep down that you two aren’t really close like you used to be. Secretly blaming yourself or your partner won’t solve anything. You just have to accept that relationships can change drastically due to various circumstances and try to do something more proactive. Arrange a heart-to-heart talk with your fiancée or fiancé before the wedding, because this can lead to even more complications down the road if you don’t start being honest with one another. Also, consider consulting a counsellor when you need an objective third partner to mediate.
Other Sensitive Issues
Are you worried about dealing with bankruptcy, a gambling addiction or something just as serious? You may want to reconsider marrying so soon. Choosing to live with someone, who has these problems, is going to affect your life. Really don’t fool yourself into believing a person can change overtime. They need help! Discuss your concerns with them, and when they feel ready, be there to support them as they go through this rough patch.
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Step 2: Speak Up
Now is the best time for that much needed talk with your future spouse. Arrange for a convenient time to meet up and tell him or her everything. Try to be open throughout the discussion and listen to their side as well. You don’t have to solve everything at once, but at least, both of you have the chance to work through it together. Knowing that your fiancé or fiancée is supportive can help to allay those pre-wedding jitters. Approaching other couples together – especially those who are more experienced – is another great strategy. Sometimes they will be willing to discuss things you aren’t comfortable to share with your immediate family.
Step 3: Relax
Take time off from your hectic schedule every once in a while and spend some time with one another. No matter how urgent things seem, your relationship is much more important. It is the reason you are having this wedding in the first place.
Dismissing your pre-wedding jitters is not always the right thing to do. Your problems may not be as trivial as you think, but doesn’t mean you need to call off the marriage. Knowing what is worrying you and solving it as a couple is a great way to strengthen your existing relationship.
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