Hokkien Customary on Actual Day

[JamieCTan]

Dear BTBs,

I would like to check with you any Hokkien BTBs how you guys arrange your serve tea ceremony?

What i heard from my parents is that brides to serve the tea to her parents & immed families only. then go over to groom side then go back to bride side to serve tea to relatives.

Please advice me.

Thanks alot!

[Jecca]

hi jamie, hokkien customary for actual day:

One essential set of items that the Hokkien bride must have in her dowry is "da yuan (大缘)" and "xiao yuan (小缘)". These symbolize that the bride is fated to be with her husband and his family. These are small pieces of "silver" resembling coins, and are to be placed with towels given to the husband’s siblings.

A modern couple may choose to place the coins in the newly weds' cupboard or room instead.

Hokkiens also place emphasis on the inclusion of traditional household items, like tea sets, bed linen, sewing kit, basins, in the dowry for an "obedient" wife.

If parents insist, a modern couple can buy a ready set from traditional wedding shops in Chinatown.

On the actual day, the pig's leg presented to the bride’s mother should be uncooked. This is a gift to thank her for "sow sai leo" (literally clearing of baby poo).

Nowadays, cans of stewed pig’s trotters are presented instead.

[JamieCTan]

Hi Jecca,

Thank you for your post.

I wanna know on the actual day of the wedding.

The program list like the groom come & fetch the bride from her house. Is it a MUST that the bride serve tea to her parents & immed family first before leaving house to groom's side? Then go over to groom's side & come bk to bride side wearing the KUA and serve tea to relatives.

As I have a church wedding that is in the afternoon.. So wondering if i should finish off the chinese customary first then go for church wedding.

hi jamie, hokkien customary for actual day:

One essential set of items that the Hokkien bride must have in her dowry is "da yuan (大缘)" and "xiao yuan (小缘)". These symbolize that the bride is fated to be with her husband and his family. These are small pieces of "silver" resembling coins, and are to be placed with towels given to the husband’s siblings.

A modern couple may choose to place the coins in the newly weds' cupboard or room instead.

Hokkiens also place emphasis on the inclusion of traditional household items, like tea sets, bed linen, sewing kit, basins, in the dowry for an "obedient" wife.

If parents insist, a modern couple can buy a ready set from traditional wedding shops in Chinatown.

On the actual day, the pig's leg presented to the bride’s mother should be uncooked. This is a gift to thank her for "sow sai leo" (literally clearing of baby poo).

Nowadays, cans of stewed pig’s trotters are presented instead.

[godbirdie]

Hi Jecca,

Thank you for your post.

I wanna know on the actual day of the wedding.

The program list like the groom come & fetch the bride from her house. Is it a MUST that the bride serve tea to her parents & immed family first before leaving house to groom's side? Then go over to groom's side & come bk to bride side wearing the KUA and serve tea to relatives.

As I have a church wedding that is in the afternoon.. So wondering if i should finish off the chinese customary first then go for church wedding.

Hi JamieCTan,
just sharing what my sister (hokkien cum catholic) does last year in her wedding.
The groom came to our house to fetch her in the morning, then went over groom house. later went to church where after the wedding, they went to a small function room where tea ceremony for both sides commence.She didnt wear the KUA.
Then evening for wedding dinner.

[JamieCTan]

Hi Godbirdie,

sorry for the late reply.

Thanks for the reply anyway. Yup, was about to tell you that We will be doing the same thing.. But the only thing is that after church wedding we will be heading to my parent's place for tea ceremony. But still have tea ceremony the hotel for those who can't make it during the day. I also don't think of wearing KUA. Cause it's quite modern & troublesome too.. Maybe i will get a tea dress after church wedding.

[godbirdie]

Hi JamieCtan, wow, that will be abit tiring, travelling many places.do you cater lunch for your guest?need to plan your time well cos you need to go hotel after all these events. You may need to ask someone to help take note the timing or assist in these admin.Just dun tired ur self and take care.

[Calvan]

Hi Jamie,

First the groom go and pickup brides and bring her to the groom house for praying ancestor and after serve Tea from the parent and relative and after all done and stay for a while eat tung yuan and finish eating and go to your brides house serve tea and stay for a while and later go back to the hotel and rest.

[Goldmaiden]

This is what I'm thinking too. Groom to pick up bride but why do we have to go to groom's house first? Can't we proceed straight to church then after that have the tea ceremony in church? Is there something to do in the groom's house which is why it is a must to enter the groom's house?

By the way, what time should the groom pick up the bride if groom is Teochew and bride is a Hokkien?

Hi JamieCTan,
just sharing what my sister (hokkien cum catholic) does last year in her wedding.
The groom came to our house to fetch her in the morning, then went over groom house. later went to church where after the wedding, they went to a small function room where tea ceremony for both sides commence.She didnt wear the KUA.
Then evening for wedding dinner.

[NicoleFeng]

The bride and groom will first return to the groom’s family home to pay their respects to his family by serving them tea and addressing them by their formal titles. In return, his family will acknowledge her place in the family and offer them blessings for their happy union.

The bride and groom then returns to her home for another tea ceremony to pay respects to her family. But before she does that, she will change into the traditional Chinese wedding dress, the “kua”.

Don’t expect the tea ceremony to be completed in a jiffy. There are rules and sequences governing the tea ceremony, like using the tea set included in the dowry basket and tea brewed from longans and red dates for the ceremony. The longans and red dates in the tea symbolises the birth of children early in the marriage while the sweetness of the tea represents the sweet relations between the couple and their families. Messing any of them up may ruffle some feathers and the last thing you need is such unpleasantness at the start of your big day.

[NicoleFeng]

To avoid all of that, familiarise yourself with what is required of you during your tea ceremony:

- You, the bride, will position yourself on the left and your groom on the right.
- You and your groom may or may not be expected to kneel before your elders as you serve them tea.
- Always serve the male elders first as a sign of his superiority.
- Parents of the couple are the first to be served, followed by their relatives based on their seniority in the family.
- Remember to address the relatives by their formal titles (fifth aunt or second uncle, for example). If you’re not sure, do clarify before the ceremony begins.
In return, your elders should gift you with red packets or gifts as their blessings. However, any unmarried older sibling is exempted from presenting a red packet for you and your groom.
- You and your groom’s younger siblings and cousins will serve you tea instead, and you will present them with gifts or red packets.