My mother wants betrothal gifts but my HTB thinks it's unnecessary
    
 
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  1. #1
    Member piggyval is on a distinguished road
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    My mother wants betrothal gifts but my HTB thinks it's unnecessary

    my mum is a traditional person, she feels that she should be given some gifts like those chinese kinds, but my htb is very modern and feels that it's a waste of money and that we already spent a lot of the wedding. any advice on how to come between them? each time we talk about this topic it sends my mum mad and my htb too.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Ning87 is on a distinguished road
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    maybe u try to talk to ur mom alone. and explain to her that both of you dont have the budget for it. thats what me and my bf did and my mother after awhile, was understanding esp when i showed her all the receipt of how we were spending. (everything was so budget) and i explained to her tt the house is coming.. and unless she want to see her daughter swimming in debt, she should be more understanding also..

    what kind of chinese gifts your mother want? ping jin all this issit?

  3. #3
    Senior Member Tenshi is on a distinguished road
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    To give wat you mum request it should not b consider waste of money (sorry to say tat if makes you feel unhappy) I belive your mum should be a reasonable person who will not ask for much. talk to your mum alone and see what she wants ... mayb she just want some simple things which will not cost too much. If watever she ask for is too much cost for you guys then you might want to work out with your mum to cut down the things she ask for. Some things like if she ask for cakes that cost $15 a box you can discuss with her to buy cakes that cost less.

    Before my wedding I also ask my mum wat she wants and what can i NOT want ... hehehe bascially discuss with her alone and work things out with her alone first before the parents meet up day. At times they just want us to give her the respect not really on what is given to her la. After I do that ... my mum mood has been good since then

    To say frankly other then the ping jin and 4 din jing ... the rest of the things dun really cost too much la.... unless your mum ask for tables ......and your tables are expensive ....

    Ask her first ask her first ... you did not ask how you know wat she wants.... she did not tell you wat she wants yet kanna rejected liao .... of course angry la

  4. #4
    Junior Member pumpkinpie is on a distinguished road
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    great advice from brides here! my parents also felt that my htb should give ping jin like jewellery. i feel like 'mum you are selling daughter is it' haha. i guess because she brought me up so she expects some things from my htb haha. well better to give than to set a bad tone for the rest of our lives!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tenshi is on a distinguished road
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    totally agree with pumpkinpie!!!

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sher is on a distinguished road
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    last time in olden singapore, the first thing they discuss is the ping jin. of course if your parents belong to the olden generation they will ask for that first. :P

  7. #7
    Junior Member Poppy is on a distinguished road
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    I faces the same problem. My situation is worse. Whenever I try to talk to my mum about it, she would either flare up or give very sarcastic remarks about my bf such as "No money then don't get married lah". It hurts to feel that your own mum treats you like some goods to be sold yet you don't wish to make the event a sour and unhappy one. I can't really tell my bf or have no one who I can confide in. He has been very accommodating to all her requests even though we already have a lot of expenses to pay for. Excluding our wedding expenses, dowry, Si Dian Jin, 4-5 Tables, traditional cakes and stuff alone will cost about $13K.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Big head is on a distinguished road
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    I personally did that. Not sure if it's applicable to u. Bf fork out the amount without letting bf mother knows how much. Just briefly assure her that it's just a token sum. In that way, both mum are happy.

  9. #9
    Junior Member vynara is on a distinguished road
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    For your husband, you can consider telling him that it's "once in a lifetime" event that would set the tone of his relationship with his in-laws for the rest of his life, so should give whatever your mother asks nicely. After all, men should be more "da fang". To support him, you can quietly share the financial burden with him without letting your family know.

    As for your mother, can consider telling her to be more reasonable. If not when you may "lose-face" in front of your in-laws in future. Find out what your husband can afford and adjust your mother's expectations behind the scene.

    Good luck!

  10. #10
    Member prettychic is infamous around these parts
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    maybe both sides can reach and understanding. your htb can give a simple gift and you can talk to your mom about being more considerate about it.

  11. #11
    Member kremela is infamous around these parts
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    I think the key here is to talk and compromise. Talk to your mom and explain to her that there is not enough budget if a betrothal gift is added to the expenses.

  12. #12
    Junior Member winteromeo is on a distinguished road
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    Si Dian Jin and Ping jin is fine. The expensive thing is the banquet. We nly order a $3,000 ++ buffet in our new BTO flat and invite small number of friends/ relatives thats all.

    We save alot that way.

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