Ever wondered if you are making the right decision by marrying this man? One moment, you’re so happy over your engagement, the next moment, you might be thinking you’ve been too hasty saying “Yes” to his proposal. So how do you know you’ve made the right choice?
By Andrea, Counsellor
Some people believe that pre-wedding jitters are a warning sign that something is wrong in the relationship while others think that these are just very normal reaction. I am for the argument that it is a very normal reaction. Why?
Firstly, all of us know that marriage is a big deal. In fact, innately, all of us have been brought up to think that love and marriages last forever even though, in reality, that isn’t always the case. I don’t believe that anyone will get married thinking they’ll get divorced in a few years anyway. As such, given that it is such a big deal, it is no surprise all of us will be more risk averse and need more assurance we are doing this right.
Secondly, marriage is a huge change to our current lifestyle, and changes could bring a lot of anxiety in our lives. We become apprehensive and even stressed. In addition, all of us need some form of control but the uncertainty ahead is so great that naturally we might feel anxious and insecure.
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Thirdly and finally, I know of so many people who have pre-wedding jitters and went on to live an awesome married life. Looking back, they now recognize their pre-wedding jitters as what they are – mere signs of anxiety, rather than some gut feeling that they’re making some big mistake.
Instead of focusing on our insecurities and feeding them, let us discuss on how we can deal with these emotions.
Firstly, don’t be afraid to talk about these feelings. They are very normal feelings and are not taboo at all! In fact, talking about your doubts with your spouse-to-be might clear some of the insecurities you have!
Secondly, enjoy yourself! Come on, this is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life. Don’t dampen your moment with all these negative thoughts! It is certainly not helpful to you, the relationship and everything else. You have so much to do, focus your energy on the planning instead and make you dream wedding come true.
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Lastly, review your opinion of your partner and your relationship. To ensure that you are making the right choice, ask yourself these questions:
• Can we accept each other’s good points as well as flaws without having a hidden agenda to change the other person after we’re married?
• Do we have affection for each other (some people will call this feeling love, others will say that they really like the person they’re marrying)?
• Do we feel emotionally connected to each other?
• Do we have mutual respect and admiration?
• Are we physically attracted to each other?
If you are able to answer “yes” to most, you are quite safe.
Have a question about relationship matters? Post a thread in our Relationship Matters forum section!
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