Do you have that friend who attracts a lot of men even when she isn’t trying? She may not be the prettiest in your clique or have the sexiest body, but for some reason, guys constantly fall for her—and not just out of some superficial attraction too.
Well, men may be visual creatures, but it’s not always a beautiful face or a slim waist that draws them in. That’s why some undeniably gorgeous women can lose over someone who doesn’t even put on any make-up.
In the game of attraction, here are the 12 qualities women need to have in their arsenal.
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Perfect Weddings asked 12 men what special qualities make a woman irresistible for them. Here are their answers:
On qualities that women find attractive in men, confidence is usually at the top of the list, so it shouldn’t come as a big surprise that that same quality in women also turn men on.
Says Peter, a skin care specialist, “I like a woman who’s in control of herself, someone who can adjust to different situations. If she’s uneasy in her own skin, how can she even feel comfortable being in a relationship?”
Confidence is a really sexy trait regardless of sex. In women, it gives a certain kind of poise or glamour in a way that gives a strong impression on men, making them want to pursue her seriously.
A cool thing with confidence is that the more you “fake” it, the more confident you actually become. So, develop your own sense of style, stand straight, speak clearly, and soon enough more men will look your way.
Top skills or talent is a sign of fitness or aptitude, which, according to the study of biology,
is basically what we look for in prospective partners.
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You don’t need to be an Olympic level athlete or have the acting prowess of Meryl Streep to get the man of your dreams. Most times, simply being good at something is enough to get his attention (and if you’re lucky, that’s all you’ll need).
“I didn’t really notice her until we played a game of badminton,” says Julius, recalling his first meeting with his girlfriend, “I lost the game to her and after that I couldn’t get my eyes off her, even out of the court.”
Cultivate a talent or skill that you have—whether it’s an art, a sport, or something more practical like cooking or even programming—and you will inevitably get the attention and, hopefully, the affection of men.
Okay, this might sound a bit odd. After all, isn’t it the skimpily-dressed women with the devil-may-care attitude who gets the most attention? Well, sure—from men who only want un-meaningful and purely physical affairs.
Says Richard, a social worker, “Faith is very important. A liberal type of woman gets heads turning. Men would love to take her out. But in the end, the woman you’d like to bring to the altar is someone who believes in God.”
It’s religious couples who often lead a loving and blissful marriage.
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Women with a strong faith are attractive because they are grounded and their spiritualism gives them a certain radiance. They are usually more cheerful, kinder, and they give their partners a sense of purpose. They may not be flocked by admirers, but the men who do court them are noble and has only the best intentions.
You’ve probably heard it before that strong, independent women intimidate some men. While that is true, these are typically the insecure, weak-willed kind of men—in other words: the sort that you’re better off without.
“A strong, independent woman is very attractive,” says Bernard, a communications operator, “I want a woman who can be my partner in life, not someone who’ll just depend on me. If we are to continue growing within our relationship, I think we both have to maintain a certain level of independence.”
Being independent doesn’t mean you have to take charge of everything or be offended when someone acts like a gentleman towards you. Independence simply means that you can support and decide for yourself; it doesn’t mean you won’t consider other people’s opinion or accept help when it’s graciously offered to you.
If you’re a pleasant company, men will naturally turn your way.
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Of course, the friendlier you are, the more people will feel good about you. In fact, a girl with a plain face but a pleasant attitude will find much better treatment than someone who’s pretty but has poor manners.
“There’s a girl in our company,” says Donnie, a mentor in a startup company, “She’s not exactly someone you’d take a second look at if you came across her on the street. But she’s so nice and fun to be with that probably half the guys in our office have a crush on her now.”
The problem, however, with being very friendly is that some men mistake it with flirtation. If ever you’re caught in such an awkward situation, just apologize for the confusion (though by no means should you think you did anything wrong). But if it’s your dream boy who makes the mistake, we say, make the most out of it, girl!
This is probably another surprise for a lot of people given that we live in a youth-obsessed culture. But believe it or not, a lot of men are genuinely attracted to women who show signs of aging. This is so because while age may not carry as much promise of health as youth, it does carry another, perhaps more important resource—wisdom.
Graceful aging is more attractive than naïve youth.
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Says Daniel, a 34-year-old account executive, “At some point, dating girls get kind of tiresome. Now, what I’m looking for is someone who knows what she wants, what’s important in her life. You just don’t find that in young women.”
So, crow’s feet, stretch marks, even some grey hairs—these can all be a turn on. The key here is to wear these age signs with confident grace. Just think that If Dame Helen Mirren could look hot at age 69, what’s stopping you from being a head-turner now?
Smart is the new sexy. So instead of focusing on getting a slim waist, focus on getting a broad mind. And if you work out, make sure not to forget about the most important muscle in your body—your brain.
“Looks are important, of course,” says John, an airline cargo supervisor, “But if looks is all you have, you wouldn’t hold a man’s interest for long. I find an intelligent woman more interesting as I can always learn something new from her.”
Some men experience a fireworks of neurons in their brain
in the prospect of getting close to an intelligent woman.
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Note though that being smart isn’t exclusive to knowing a lot of information (or what we call book smart); you could also be street smart, which pertains to the ability to deal with different practical situation, or people smart, which means being particularly good at handling people and their emotions.
Having a sense of humor is typically more important for men than it is for women (as they say, if a man can get a woman to laugh, he has a chance of making her fall), but having a sense of humor is still important for women, although in a different way.
By having a sense of humor we don’t mean that you have to make people laugh, but rather simply be able to find enjoyment in life’s little ironies, not being afraid to let yourself go and just be silly every now and then.
The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach,
but it’s laughter that would bond your spirits.
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“I’m a bit turned off when a girl takes herself too seriously,” says James, a mechanic, “I love it when she can fool around and laugh at her own mistakes. There’s time to be serious, and there’s time to relax and just enjoy the moment.”
In past years, largely due to films like My Sassy Girl and (500) Days of Summer, men everywhere were enamored by the “manic pixie dream girl”—the idea of a stunningly beautiful young woman who’s full of zest for life (but who seems to have no purpose other than to bring the film’s hero out of his romantic lethargy).
And while this trope has become unpopular, it does succinctly prove the fact that there are a lot of men who fall helplessly, and hopelessly, in love with bright and quirky women with a thirst for life’s adventures.
A little adventure with a lovely woman can light up a man’s life forever.
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Says Mark, a technician at a publishing firm, “I’m a pretty shy guy. I guess that’s why I’m drawn to lively women who can introduce me to new experiences and get me out of my shell, so to speak. The perfect partner for me would be someone who complements me.”
A selfless attitude has long been a desirable trait in women. Traditionally, it pertains to her impulse to attend to the needs of her family ahead of hers. But today, men find another kind of selflessness also appealing, that is, when a woman gives herself to improving the world at large.
Says Jerry, an office manager, “One of the things that attracted me to my wife was that she was, and still is, very dependable and helpful to the people around her. She’s willing to help in any way she can. I admired her first and foremost, and then I fell in love with her.”
Apart from making the world a better place, a selfless attitude could also make you very attractive. First, it brings out men’s protective instinct and make them want to help and be close to you. It also makes them wonder what else you can do and what your motivations are.
One irony in the game of attraction is that the less you reveal about yourself, the more curious people are about you. Play this to your advantage.
When you meet people, be pleasant but reserved, talking only as much as you need to keep conversations going. Try to keep the focus on the other person (this psychological tactic has the added benefit of making them unconsciously like you more), and avoid giving personal information until you’ve known them very well.
If you want him, make him chase you. Mystery is a necessary element of attraction.
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Says Raymond, an urban planning specialist, “When a girl doesn’t talk much about herself, especially when she obviously leads a full, productive life, she instantly gets my interest. I want to know what drives her, what makes her tick.”
In a sea of gaggling people, it’s the quiet, confident ones who stand out.
Self-respect isn’t something people see right away, so it’s not exactly a quality that draws good men in, so much as a quality that drives lousy men away. And while it is its own rewards, it’s also something a lot of men look for in women.
“Having self-respect shows that a woman has principles, that people can’t just take her for granted,” says Greg, a musician. “It shows strength of character, which can be a great assurance in a relationship. If she can stand up for herself, she’ll stand up for the things she loves.”
Respecting yourself means knowing what you’re worth and not letting anyone take advantage of you. You may not need self-respect to draw the attention of men, but you need it to have a meaningful relationship with the person that you choose to be with.
Be beautiful for yourself—and the world will love you for being the beautiful person that you are.
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Having all these qualities would surely make you more desirable to men. But don’t cultivate them just to impress guys or catch a boyfriend. More importantly, develop them because it’s what you want for yourself, because you believe they will not just make you a more attractive woman, but ultimately a better person.
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