The ability to resolve conflicts is one thing every couple must learn gradually. This is imperative when you want to deepen your relationship and experience a marital bliss everyone long for. The Rubber Lover Syndrome is when one person verbalizes a complaint or dissatisfaction and the other one bounces back a similar complaint.
Think about the times you and your husband fought on something that’s too casual at first but eventually escalated to a much deeper fight. It all started from a miniscule household task you just forgot to do. Then the topic simply moved on to a higher sensitive issue you both detest. The argument wounded you so bad until you decided to storm out of your house and actually didn’t go back for three days.
All because of one simple verbal fight, this originated from the used plates in the kitchen sink that were left overnight. Conflicts arise because you both are strong willed and determined to prove that each one of you is the superior. Both of you are in denial of lapses. Moreover, your partner will get tired of hanging with you since he will think, only you can control everything and if you are not satisfied with how things are going, you incessantly whine and complain all night.
The Cross-complainer whining all night
With rubber Lover syndrome, the fight begins in a gentler way yet in no time, erupts into a more damaging one simply because you threw back to him what he had just said to you. All you do is cross-complain and this further annoys your partner. As an illustration: He suggested “Honey, why don’t you wash the dishes right after eating. Cockroaches may infest it all if left overnight unwashed. ” Hurt by his direct complaint, you retorted “Why would I? You never wash the dishes anyway.” You think that he doesn’t care about you at all, that after a long day doing the laundry and tending the kids, you are already tired and is already yearning for a good night sleep by the time you finished supper. For him, he didn’t see your point so he reacted negatively, thinking why would I get to wash the dishes when I am already breaking my back doing tons of work at the office.
One of the most challenging phases in a blossoming relationship is finding out what causes the problem and bring about a solution to solve it, not with just one snap but with a resolution and finality. It is important that the solution will clear whatever sentiments or predicaments the other person is carrying. Normally, it takes a mountain of effort to finally meet both ends. As you both grew in a different culture with different kinds of upbringing, it is inevitable that you will have differing perspectives on many things.
Conflicts, however big and small, will always be present because no one would bow down. Try to assess the situation, pinpoint the real cause and apologize for any shortcomings. Avoid being a Rubber Lover. Instead, try to be a mature lover who resolve conflict by being adaptive and negotiate on ways how you shall make both ends meet.
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