My husband falls short of my expectations of an “ideal” husband. He is not as educated, rich or spiritual as what I would expect in my definition of an ideal spouse. In fact, when he first tried to woo me, I totally disregarded his advances and kept telling myself, “This guy can’t be the one.”
By Andrea, Counsellor
However, if you were to ask me if I regret my choice, my answer would be, “No”. Not yet, anyway. I don’t know how many of us get to marry our ideal spouse. In fact, do we even really know what an ideal spouse is?
I wanted my ideal spouse to be smarter than me, tall, rich (or at least someone who can afford a comfortable life), and spiritually mature. These criteria grew up with me until I met my spouse. Initially, I was resistant to being with someone who does not even meet 70% of my list. However, after getting to know my spouse better, I realised that my list may not be so much of an issue anymore.
All of us fall in love with someone for some reason. It could be because he is handsome, rich, faithful, family-oriented or intelligent. Whatever the reason, something about the other person attracted us to them. This is the key to a happy marriage.
What is it that made you fall in love with your partner? Will this trait be ruined by time? Well, good looks will fade over time whereas character traits tend not to change as much. If you fall in love with a faithful but not-quite-so-attractive man, take heart!
Eventually, everyone is going to be ugly! If this trait is not going to fade with time, you are one step closer to finding your “ideal” man.
Having talked about the good of the person, let’s discuss a little about the “bad”. What are the weaknesses of your partner? Can you live with it for the rest of your life? For example, if you are a neat freak and your husband is as messy as Kris Humphries, it is time to think if you can live with it. Do not enter a marriage thinking he will change. He has been like that all his life and chances are, he will continue being like that for the rest of his life. If you can accept his bad, you have found the “perfect” one.
I believe there are a lot of men out there who have the potential to be my perfect one but when I marry, my spouse becomes my perfect one. This belief makes a firm foundation for your marriage. Stop looking! You have decided and chosen the perfect one.
A perfect spouse does not exist simply because we do not know if our idea of a perfect spouse is indeed perfect for u. Who we think is perfect for us may actually be our nightmare. Yet, a perfect spouse exists when we have found the happiness in the one we are with. Yes, there will be a lot of fights, compromises and managing of expectations. But they add colour to our relationship, don’t they? Instead of looking for a perfect spouse, let’s spend our time perfecting our relationship. It’s going to be an exciting lifelong process!