xhenrietta
New member
I think it is really hard for me to choose too, if I have been with him so long ,spend so much time and money on this relationship. Either I try to make this relationship works, or I will look out for a new guy.
Woudl you rather marry the wrong person or not marry at all?
- Thread starter jasmine
- Start date
ur gf? i assume she divorced?
geting married is easy, staying together for long is difficult. it is always a mystery how older generation marriage can last so long with love. generation changed, situation changed so people changed. it is not uncommon for couples to divorce nowadays. i m not sure y too, still figuring myself. i too m going through divorce but it's more like my fault causing this. I had never know I will come to this point n it is usually the kids that suffer.
lynnng
New member
marriage is for life whereas relationships are not bonded by a piece of cert and in the eyes of law isnt legalised.
me and my ex, had been together for 4 years, we had broken up just 1 mth before my solemnisation, and the reason was due to - consistent infidelity & our r/s was all just about pinpointing and blames.
Initially when we quarrelled, be it mine or his fault, i would always try to give in, he would too, but for me, I would give in mostly for those "grevious" mistakes or serious quarrels that are almost on the verge of ending, cos i was afraid, afraid he would break with me, and that i cannot bear the thought of him leaving me and the fact i kept holding on to the r/s cos we have been together for quite some time and that I just didnt wanna let go, even though when we quarrelled during initial dating stages, he would threaten to breakup to the recent marriage planning, he would again threaten not to get married anymore, the first few times i held on was cos of love, and also because i, personally felt i was lucky to have someone like him being with me, despite im fat and ugly and with a list of flaws, but he didnt despise me, during these 4 years, he had gave me 3 surprises, 1 was during my 21st bdae, he surprised me with a huge cake, 2nd was during the first year when we were together, he bought me a bouquet of bears for valentines, and the last was this yr's valentines when he had sent a bouquet of roses to my office, i was really elated and happy, i really didnt expect that as he wasnt a romantic or expressive guy by nature and was contented with just that..but subsequently due to the verbal quarrels den slowly turning to physical ones which i endured them all..i guess the love diminished, and all these just became a routine and a vicious cycle which i always asked to talk it out but he would just turn a deaf ear upon my pleas.
I am the one whom mostly pay for our outings, be it dining/entertainment etc, though he always says he would not go since he has no money, and most of our wkends and free time he would spend it with his online games and i would just mop around his house findin things to do, and thou i may just be sayin to go and have a simple meal at a hawker centre, but he would always ask me to go myself instead as he is cashless, but to me, i find no joy in doing all these things solo when i have a partner to enjoy with me, and naively me, at that point of time, didnt think money was gonna be an issue back then cos i just felt i wanted to share wif him everything together,thick and thin, i offered to pay for everything, till it becomes an everytime routine. He was still a regular wif army that time, till he ORD-ed, i helped him in securing his job, till he quarrelled with his boss and resigned, got into a court case due to an accident before i met him, jobless & penniless, i stil stuck by him and helped him searched and look for jobs, doing up his resume and sending it for him, and still occasionally still pass him cash, as he "needs" to smoke and i was afraid he would go hungry. From his army days to his working days, i stand by him, never leaving or even having the slightest thought to leave him, all these while, i have been keeping up with my monthly savings regularly and would only spend when we go out, or when i know he wants something badly, but did not have the ability to do so, i would buy it for him if its not sth too extravagant. But i guess gradually all this became a habit, he took for granted...
We went for our wedding shoots in taiwan this apr, took our BTO last year and had initially already planned to get married next year since BTO was due to be ready in 2014, but due to my parents being superstitious about the date, we carried the ROM date forward to this Dec, and we had only a mere 2 months to do the plannings, i paid for all the deposits (approx 5 digits) for the wedding expenses as he always claims he is unable to save due to his car commitments, since day 1, from the taiwan wedding shoots, down to my own proposal rings and hotel banquet, i paid for it all using my hard earned savings which i had painstakingly scrimped and saved all these years, he did said that we would split the wedding costs later on when he sold his car, and he would save up also monthly, but i wasnt secured as he has been mentioning he would save since 4 years back, he would spend his money all away the moment he has his bonuses, on non practical items like - his car modifications/can be so generous to buy a kite of few hundred dollars etc, i also helped to contribute to his car misc monthly (petrol,season parking,cashcards etc) as well just fyi, as he would occasionally send me to work and also always fetch me off work, so i think it was fair that i chipped in too, both of our pay is on par if not he is higher as he has quite abit of OTs in some months, but my OTs isnt claimable, tbh really didnt expected him to help me both mentally and finance wise during the plannin period, but yet, i caught him lying to me again and again.
It all started when we went with his bunch of friends to a pub in boat quay, cos they wanted to helped one of the friend sourced for a gf, in a pub?? i would join them on wkends as i wasnt workin, but subsequently, it became a routine they would go on wkdays too, and would always go back when the pub closes in e wee hours of e morning, even thou i wasnt physically with them, but i always couldnt sleep knowing the fact he wasnt home and was afraid something may happen, thus often, i would only get 2-3 hours of sleep when he always frequent e pubs, he would always promised me that would be the last time he would go, but each time is jus a lie and only i, foolishly believe them all, each lie was just another cut and a deeper one to my heart even thou i kept chosing to forgive, despite my constant naggings/pleas/cries, and our very frequent quarrels over the pubs issue, he always would still claim his friends paid and all for the drinks, and he always insists he knows what he is doing and would ask me not to interefere his personal life, and he still continued to frequent the pubs when his frens stopped going, and this soon proved my phobia into reality and nightmare, as he had been unfaithful (mentally, not physically yet, msged this girl he know from his online game tellin her he wanted to bed her, but i saw the text) to me twice in our r/s but i still chose to forgive him, later on i found out he would pay with his credit card when he went drinkin but still complain at the end of the month he has no money, and knowing i would not bear to see him going hungry, i would pass him some money while nagging, but i was not aware that he had spend all his money on drinking and to flirt with the pub waitresses over there as he always proclaimed to me his monies dries up fast due to company expenses would can only be claimed later.
Initial stage when we broke up, i was really devastated, he quote me the reason of characters not being suitable, like after 4 yrs? Truthfully, I do have a short temper, and he has one too, thus we would often clash and not budge, but often the reasons we quarrelled mostly due to money, despite claiming he is poor and broke, he can still go boat quay daily every night, quoting me the lamest reason that he needs to go there to built up relationship for his work (he is just working as a site supervisor in a carpet company) to drink and open bottles? I didnt mind being with someone less wealthy and is below average, what i cant accept was his nonchalant lies and still remain indifferent about him spending his money for drinking, but what really broke my heart was, he had even openly told one of the pub waitress working in the pub, someone he just know barely for 1 month but have been frequently going down to her pub even when we were still together, that he likes her, and she is pretty, she is his miss right and i was the wrong one..imagine hearing that from a woman, that the someone who told this to her, is the very someone whom you had been through almost 1/5 of your life, losing urself and loving him too much, willing to forsake and give up everythin to be with him, about to walk on the red carpet with him for the rest of ur life, but yet when I jus merely asked him to clarify if it was true, all he could was to shout and insult public, i even had to to go the extend to kneel down in public beggin him to just talk to me, crying my guts out, but all in return was still that i never "changed", pushing and slammin me to the floor without even looking back and hurling profanities non stop..in public places
all in all, jus summarising up the story with selective incidents, i had really learned my lesson this time, thru the painful and hard way, relationship is a 2 way traffic, i was too silly thinkin and hoping he would be more mindful abt finance issues and be more responsible as a man aft marriage, took me 3 wks after the break to thoroughly realise how silly and stupid i was to naively hold on and still trying so hard so much to salvage after the breakup, when he was there every night with that pub waitress, despite frens and family constant naggings, i didnt wake up till i was so near the brink of death and only had woke up when he said and done some stuffs to me, especially to ladies, we are always more emotional and thus this could be our downfall, so do think twice if you know he or she isnt the one for u, as u will suffer more in the long run, love is really blind, to an extend you lose yourself in the process of loving someone who doesnt feels the same but yet manipulates you.
me and my ex, had been together for 4 years, we had broken up just 1 mth before my solemnisation, and the reason was due to - consistent infidelity & our r/s was all just about pinpointing and blames.
Initially when we quarrelled, be it mine or his fault, i would always try to give in, he would too, but for me, I would give in mostly for those "grevious" mistakes or serious quarrels that are almost on the verge of ending, cos i was afraid, afraid he would break with me, and that i cannot bear the thought of him leaving me and the fact i kept holding on to the r/s cos we have been together for quite some time and that I just didnt wanna let go, even though when we quarrelled during initial dating stages, he would threaten to breakup to the recent marriage planning, he would again threaten not to get married anymore, the first few times i held on was cos of love, and also because i, personally felt i was lucky to have someone like him being with me, despite im fat and ugly and with a list of flaws, but he didnt despise me, during these 4 years, he had gave me 3 surprises, 1 was during my 21st bdae, he surprised me with a huge cake, 2nd was during the first year when we were together, he bought me a bouquet of bears for valentines, and the last was this yr's valentines when he had sent a bouquet of roses to my office, i was really elated and happy, i really didnt expect that as he wasnt a romantic or expressive guy by nature and was contented with just that..but subsequently due to the verbal quarrels den slowly turning to physical ones which i endured them all..i guess the love diminished, and all these just became a routine and a vicious cycle which i always asked to talk it out but he would just turn a deaf ear upon my pleas.
I am the one whom mostly pay for our outings, be it dining/entertainment etc, though he always says he would not go since he has no money, and most of our wkends and free time he would spend it with his online games and i would just mop around his house findin things to do, and thou i may just be sayin to go and have a simple meal at a hawker centre, but he would always ask me to go myself instead as he is cashless, but to me, i find no joy in doing all these things solo when i have a partner to enjoy with me, and naively me, at that point of time, didnt think money was gonna be an issue back then cos i just felt i wanted to share wif him everything together,thick and thin, i offered to pay for everything, till it becomes an everytime routine. He was still a regular wif army that time, till he ORD-ed, i helped him in securing his job, till he quarrelled with his boss and resigned, got into a court case due to an accident before i met him, jobless & penniless, i stil stuck by him and helped him searched and look for jobs, doing up his resume and sending it for him, and still occasionally still pass him cash, as he "needs" to smoke and i was afraid he would go hungry. From his army days to his working days, i stand by him, never leaving or even having the slightest thought to leave him, all these while, i have been keeping up with my monthly savings regularly and would only spend when we go out, or when i know he wants something badly, but did not have the ability to do so, i would buy it for him if its not sth too extravagant. But i guess gradually all this became a habit, he took for granted...
We went for our wedding shoots in taiwan this apr, took our BTO last year and had initially already planned to get married next year since BTO was due to be ready in 2014, but due to my parents being superstitious about the date, we carried the ROM date forward to this Dec, and we had only a mere 2 months to do the plannings, i paid for all the deposits (approx 5 digits) for the wedding expenses as he always claims he is unable to save due to his car commitments, since day 1, from the taiwan wedding shoots, down to my own proposal rings and hotel banquet, i paid for it all using my hard earned savings which i had painstakingly scrimped and saved all these years, he did said that we would split the wedding costs later on when he sold his car, and he would save up also monthly, but i wasnt secured as he has been mentioning he would save since 4 years back, he would spend his money all away the moment he has his bonuses, on non practical items like - his car modifications/can be so generous to buy a kite of few hundred dollars etc, i also helped to contribute to his car misc monthly (petrol,season parking,cashcards etc) as well just fyi, as he would occasionally send me to work and also always fetch me off work, so i think it was fair that i chipped in too, both of our pay is on par if not he is higher as he has quite abit of OTs in some months, but my OTs isnt claimable, tbh really didnt expected him to help me both mentally and finance wise during the plannin period, but yet, i caught him lying to me again and again.
It all started when we went with his bunch of friends to a pub in boat quay, cos they wanted to helped one of the friend sourced for a gf, in a pub?? i would join them on wkends as i wasnt workin, but subsequently, it became a routine they would go on wkdays too, and would always go back when the pub closes in e wee hours of e morning, even thou i wasnt physically with them, but i always couldnt sleep knowing the fact he wasnt home and was afraid something may happen, thus often, i would only get 2-3 hours of sleep when he always frequent e pubs, he would always promised me that would be the last time he would go, but each time is jus a lie and only i, foolishly believe them all, each lie was just another cut and a deeper one to my heart even thou i kept chosing to forgive, despite my constant naggings/pleas/cries, and our very frequent quarrels over the pubs issue, he always would still claim his friends paid and all for the drinks, and he always insists he knows what he is doing and would ask me not to interefere his personal life, and he still continued to frequent the pubs when his frens stopped going, and this soon proved my phobia into reality and nightmare, as he had been unfaithful (mentally, not physically yet, msged this girl he know from his online game tellin her he wanted to bed her, but i saw the text) to me twice in our r/s but i still chose to forgive him, later on i found out he would pay with his credit card when he went drinkin but still complain at the end of the month he has no money, and knowing i would not bear to see him going hungry, i would pass him some money while nagging, but i was not aware that he had spend all his money on drinking and to flirt with the pub waitresses over there as he always proclaimed to me his monies dries up fast due to company expenses would can only be claimed later.
Initial stage when we broke up, i was really devastated, he quote me the reason of characters not being suitable, like after 4 yrs? Truthfully, I do have a short temper, and he has one too, thus we would often clash and not budge, but often the reasons we quarrelled mostly due to money, despite claiming he is poor and broke, he can still go boat quay daily every night, quoting me the lamest reason that he needs to go there to built up relationship for his work (he is just working as a site supervisor in a carpet company) to drink and open bottles? I didnt mind being with someone less wealthy and is below average, what i cant accept was his nonchalant lies and still remain indifferent about him spending his money for drinking, but what really broke my heart was, he had even openly told one of the pub waitress working in the pub, someone he just know barely for 1 month but have been frequently going down to her pub even when we were still together, that he likes her, and she is pretty, she is his miss right and i was the wrong one..imagine hearing that from a woman, that the someone who told this to her, is the very someone whom you had been through almost 1/5 of your life, losing urself and loving him too much, willing to forsake and give up everythin to be with him, about to walk on the red carpet with him for the rest of ur life, but yet when I jus merely asked him to clarify if it was true, all he could was to shout and insult public, i even had to to go the extend to kneel down in public beggin him to just talk to me, crying my guts out, but all in return was still that i never "changed", pushing and slammin me to the floor without even looking back and hurling profanities non stop..in public places
all in all, jus summarising up the story with selective incidents, i had really learned my lesson this time, thru the painful and hard way, relationship is a 2 way traffic, i was too silly thinkin and hoping he would be more mindful abt finance issues and be more responsible as a man aft marriage, took me 3 wks after the break to thoroughly realise how silly and stupid i was to naively hold on and still trying so hard so much to salvage after the breakup, when he was there every night with that pub waitress, despite frens and family constant naggings, i didnt wake up till i was so near the brink of death and only had woke up when he said and done some stuffs to me, especially to ladies, we are always more emotional and thus this could be our downfall, so do think twice if you know he or she isnt the one for u, as u will suffer more in the long run, love is really blind, to an extend you lose yourself in the process of loving someone who doesnt feels the same but yet manipulates you.
i m sorry for u n glad that u took the courage to move on. love is something funny, hard to understand at times. i m not a perfect person to judge ur ex bf. i too did something bad that i regreted starting it in the first place. i had been asking myself why n at times wish it nvr happened. but on the other hand, i was happy too that it happened. love was the root of the cause n i just could not help it. but of cos, there was something wrong with our r/s too, although not as bad as urs. we have not been too good in communicating, so things got out of hands everytime we argue n i was tired of it. not being able to communicate with her n not being able to voice out in our r/s, not healthy at all.
i did not imagine that unfaithful will be used on me 1 day like my father. i sweared before that i will not be like him but it still happened. life is just so tough at times. after what happened, i m a little afraid myself to get married again even though I hurt someone else. i was afraid to hurt again.
kelliebubbles
New member
If you all are not having any relationship problems, you all can understand each other well and trust each other then marriage shouldn't be a problem to worry about.
kelliebubbles
New member
Trust and faithfulness is important before planning for a marriage.
peachtwirl
New member
what do you mean by the "wrong" person? do you mean a person you don't love? then yes, i will choose not to be married. i will only marry someone whom i love and accept and who does the same for me in return.
EthanMason
New member
It depends on the person whom you want to marry. Try to know everything about him, if that person is good and you found according to your choice then, there is no need to refuse marriage. He will never change and if he really loves you, he never will become wrong.
fruitietootie
New member
I'd rather wait for the right person than marrying someone because i was pressured to doing it.
butterscotch
New member
I'd rather not marry at all than be in a relationship that's not good for me.