Practical Tips for the Earnest Yet Clueless
Men aren’t very smart when it comes to relationships and maintaining a home. We could be doctors and engineers, but we’d normally still need a woman to remind us to take our medicine when we’re sick or tell us where the bed linens are kept.
Another thing we’re not very good at is avoiding our girlfriends and wives from being mad at us, or appeasing them when they already are. It’s almost like—despite our love for each other—we’re built to disappoint them while they’re built to frustrate us. (And perhaps that’s what love is: having someone you can happily be disappointed/frustrated with for the rest of your life.)
Image courtesy of Chris Ling Photography
Anyway, being eight years into a relationship, I’ve learned a few tricks on how to maintain a happy relationship (or at least how to avoid an unhappy one) despite my occasional and inevitable blunders. Guys, listen up:
1. Just come out clean. Women smell lies like sharks smell blood in the water—pretty good, and it gets them on a frenzy. So if you made a mistake, just admit it, apologize and avoid doing it again. Just state your reasons rather than making up excuses.
2. Introduce her to your male friends. Apart from your family and your work, nothing else will take up your time and part you from your girl as much as your buddies. It’s best if she knows who these guys are and that she can trust you with them.
3. Introduce her to your female friends. This may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s actually not. Having your girl and female friends know each other indicates that you have nothing to hide. (If anything, it would give her some reassurance that they’d at least think twice before batting their eyelashes at you.)
4. Always order with extras. It’s normal for a woman to say that she’s not hungry, and then go on to eat the food you ordered for yourself. It’s both cute and infuriating—either way, you’d best just let her take what she wants and just order extras if you’re still hungry.
Image courtesy of Avior Pictures
5. Learn to complement. A girl has two reasons to make herself pretty: for herself, and of course, for her partner. So if there’s something new to your girl, whether it’s a new hairdo or a new dress, give it some attention and tell her how it suits her.
6. Have a stock of chocolates and trinkets. Cos you’ll never know when she might need some cheering up. Sweets and small gifts may not make her forget her menstrual cramps or make up for a bad day at the office, but they could provide some much-needed comfort.
7. Fix things (even if you’re not sure how). Much like how I learned to swim because my dad just tossed me into a pool, I learned how to fix some things—a clogged pipe, a broken dresser, those sort of things—simply because my partner presented me with the challenge.
8. Offer her the last slice/piece. This is really more of a courtesy, and chances are she wouldn’t take it anyway. (She’s on a diet, don’t you know? Never mind that she’s eaten half the food on your plate.)
9. Crack jokes. When a girl laughs at a guy’s joke, they feel better about each other. It’s as simple as that. As bonus, here’s the latest good joke I’ve heard: “Never make fun of your girlfriend’s choices—you’re one of them.” Ha ha.
Image courtesy of Renatus Photography
10. Cultivate an interest in things that don't matter. If you’re in a relationship long enough, you’ll know things like when your partner’s officemate’s best friends’ cousin’s daughter’s graduation is. By themselves, this kind of information mean nothing to you. But they matter to her, and that makes them important. That said…
11. Learn how to function on “screensaver mode”. This is when you listen to what she’s saying—
something about a graduation?—even while you contemplate on more important things in life, like who’d win in a fight between Batman and Captain America.
12. Get in touch with your feminine side. My wife once held me hostage to watch
Pitch Perfect with her. And you know what? It was a perfectly fine movie. (I love Anna Kendrick!) And I got some sweet loving out of that deal too.
13. Cook once in a while. You know what women find sexier than when you hug them from behind while they’re cooking? When you’re doing the cooking yourself. In this case, the effort usually counts more than the product.
14. Treat her mom well. No other woman will be as important to your girl as her mom. So be courteous to the old lady (don’t call her old, by the way), make her laugh if you can, giver her your attention; show your girl what she can expect from you when she too grows old.
Image courtesy of Annabel Law Productions
15. Be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead, and the fact that it’s rarer today makes it all the more important. So groom yourself, help others, and maintain a strong moral character. Be a man her friends would envy her for.
16. Put the toilet seat down. I’m amazed that this is even an issue for some couples. Guys, please, put it up when you pee, and down when you're done. Cos let’s be honest, even if we point straight, we don’t always hit the bowl spot on.
17. Share the house chores. The minutes you save her from vacuuming the floor or washing the dishes are minutes she could spend to relax, pursue her own interests or snuggle with you. You’re not just saving her the effort, you’re gifting her with time.
18. Get a dog. Cos she won’t always fall for your puppy dog eyes, but it would take a truly cruel woman to stay mad at a man
and his dog. And if you and your canine bro really couldn’t melt her heart, well at least you have the dog, right?
19. Give her your passcodes. My wife knows the unlock pattern on my phone and all my passwords. I gave it to her, because she already knows all the things that’s bad about me and yet she still loves me. I simply have nothing to hide from her.
Image courtesy of Z Wedding Design
20. Learn how to console her. Having someone to cry with is what her girl friends are for. Still, it’s your responsibility to make her feel that things will be alright. To do this, hold her tight and just wait until she tells you it’s okay to let go.
Women—they’re hard to live with, but it’s a lot harder living without them. Hopefully, you’ve picked one or two helpful things from here and are on your way to putting a smile on your girl’s face.
(If you want more tips on how to communicate better and build a stronger relationship with your partner, check out “
The Five Languages of Love”.)
